Same Sex = Different Treatment.

I am getting frustrated by the debate over same-sex marriages. My office-mate today was explaining to me that same-sex couples should not be allowed to get married because marriage is a religious ceremony, and therefore those that do not follow the religion should not be allowed to be wed. To him it was so cut and dry, so black and white. It was explained plain and simple that 'marriage' must be maintained with a traditional religious definition. I asked him why people who are not religious are then still allowed to get married and he said "...it's complicated". I was confused. On one hand the issue is simple but on the other hand it is complicated, and it all depends on what group of people you are talking about. I personally think that the issue isn't worth complicating with whatever rationalizations make it alright to discriminate. Any opposition to same-sex marriage in the defense of a religious definition is pointless because what is supposedly being fought for has already been lost.

The case against same-sex marriages, as regurgitated by my office-mate, is one that I have heard often. People want to maintain a religious definition. This argument is not believable because the definition has already changed without any outcry. Marriage is no longer governed by the church, it is governed by laws. In fact, marriage is recognized legally without requiring that religion of any kind be involved in any way. Even if the roots of marriage are based in religion*, it cannot be denied that marriage has become, first and foremost, a societal institution with religion as just a footnote in it's history.

Some who oppose same-sex marriages believe it is OK to allow a "Civil Union". Interestingly, this is exactly what marriage has become anyway. The religious aspects to marriage may be important to some people, but these days that doesn't count. After all, it seems to me that every person who has divorced a spouse has already broken an oath to god. If the church was still in charge then why is divorce allowed? Marriage has changed so much that the only thing that universally matters to society are the legalities.

However it may have originated, marriage is currently practiced by the nonreligious and religious alike. It spans religions, cultures, and societies. Marriage is a worldwide tradition and for any one group of people to claim it is unrealistic. It would make more sense for religious groups to assign the definition they want to preserve to a different term such as 'Christian Union', or 'Catholic Union'. This way marriage can stay a legal institution, and all the religions can set their own definitions. Once religion is separated from marriage, then any push for discrimination** will go with it.




To my religious friends,
I mean you no disrespect, and I mean you no criticism, and I in no way believe you to be discriminatory. I just feel that the argument I most often hear against same-sex marriage is completely discriminatory.


* I believe that the roots of marriage belong in our biology. Many species of animals are at least somewhat monogamous by nature, and given that humans are simply another form of animal life it isn't hard to believe that humans are the same way... somewhat monogamous by nature.

** Banning same-sex marriage is discrimination. If people wanted to ban interracial marriages we would clearly see this as discrimination, yet such a marriage used to be considered immoral and unnatural. We know this to be wrong now, but at the time it was considered gospel. In fact it has been less than 40 years since a Virginia judge upheld an interracial marriage ban stating god's intention to separate the races. Luckily the decision was overturned by the supreme court, who had these wise words to say:

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discriminations. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loving_v._Virginia )

For the New Gang...

If you have been wondering why my blog updates have been so sparse... it is because I have been bitten by the World of Warcraft bug again. It all started because I bought a 14 day trial for $2. I just wanted to come say hi to some people, but before I knew it I was reactivating my account. It was good to chat with the old gang, and to meet the new gang. Luckily for me the new gang is just as great.

I spent a couple weeks listening to them all on Ventrillo, and I just started liking them more and more each day. 'Vent', as we call it, is a program that allows someone to speak into their microphone, then everyone else logged into the same server can hear what was said. I would only ever listen, because I was shy about my voice. I think that I sound... OK. I am not really worried when I am talking face to face because I think my appearance helps a lot, but when I am just a faceless voice I am always worried that I might be easily mistaken for a male.

Instead of worrying what people might think, I decided to just tell people what is really going on. I sent out some emails to my favorite people in the guild and quietly waited for their replies. I was pretty nervous, but I really felt like I could trust these people. As it turns out, I was not disappointed. I receive a very positive and heartwarming reaction from everyone and now I just feel closer to the bunch than I did before.

I was chatting with one of my guildies the other night, and was asked if things had been hard for me. I said that it was for a while, but now things are really good. I thought that since some new people might be reading my blog that I'd tell them a little bit about what it was all like for me.

During elementary school being transgendered was very interesting to me. I loved knowing I was a girl inside. It was a big secret, but it was MY secret, and I was actually quite proud of myself that I was lucky enough to be a girl in my head - even if I wasn't lucky enough to have the body to match. I'd go to bed every night praying that I would wake up and be a girl... but that didn't happen. I wasn't ever truly disappointed, but eventually I stopped praying. I always felt silly praying anyway, because even back then I didn't believe in god.

During highschool being a transsexual became excrutiating. Hormones I guess. They changed the other girls in such good ways, and changed me in such very bad ways. I started to feel uncomfortable in my skin. I wished I had her skin... or hers... or hers...

During university I couldn't think of anything else. I'd go to the library and study study... about transsexualism. The worst part was that out of everything I read, I thought it was all wrong. Honestly, who wrote those books? The UofS had a lot of books on the subject, but they were all written before I was born. It was almost scary what some people would right down as 'facts'. I was starting to believe that the only comfort I'd get would be from whatever sense I could make of things myself.

After failing out of university I started losing things. I lost self-confidence probably first. I lost friends. I lost hope. I am pretty sure I lost 2 or 3 emotions altogether. Then one day I lost interest. Losing interest is, in itself, very interesting. When you lose interest to the degree I was losing interest it is like an asymptote - you can plainly see that the curve of interest vs time is tending to zero, but it never quite gets there - because you are always interested in your lack of interest.

Jump ahead now 10 years or so. I was driving along and I was thinking "I wonder what I should have for supper" and then I crashed my car into another car. It wasn't a serious crash - nobody was hurt. Still, it was very loud, and very jarring - but for some reason my first thought immediately afterwards was, "I think I have some porkchops in the freezer." Later that day it struck me that even before I knew it wasn't a serious accident, I had no cares about what could have happened to me.

I realized my life was turning gray. I wasn't unhappy or sick but it was clear I was just waiting to die someday - and I was only 32 years old. I thought back to that young girl who lived in my head so many years ago. I remembered how proud I was back then and I started to wonder when it turned to shame. I was upset that the biggest part of my life was the part I kept most secret. I thought that perhaps my life was so uninteresting to me because it was just the wrong life. The life I should have led is that one I always dreamed I'd someday have. I knew right then that I wanted those old prayers to come true, but if there is no god, then the only person who can answer those prayers is me - so the day after my car accident I went to see a psychologist.

It has been 2½ years since that accident, and a lot has changed. My name, the letter on my driver's license, my hairstyle, my wardrobe, even my personality. Best of all though, my interest in life has come back, stronger than it has ever been.

I recently got a comment on this blog entry from a WoW friend of mine from the Old Gang, and it just made me realize that I don't really know if either gang, old or new, realizes how good it makes me feel to meet such friendly, caring people. Thanks!

Only like FIFTY more Sleeps!!!

I saw a Christmas commercial today.

SPEAK! as IF! Every! Other! SYLlable! WAS! of DIRE! ImPORTance!”

My costume today was fun! I dressed as Captain Kirk. Much like any other time you see Captain Kirk, my costume was a rerun. I say this because 15 years ago (the last time I dressed up for Halloween) I was Captain Kirk as well. Much like the real Captain, in my first appearance in the uniform I was thin and fit, but now in later years I have a bit of a paunch, and much bigger boobs.

One fun thing about costumes is that you can role-play a little bit if you like. Most of the day I just sat in my office being a mild mannered computer programmer, but then I left the office to go to the bathroom... I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and suddenly I was no longer Sarah J. M. - I was Captain James T. Kirk! I walked through that bathroom like it was the bridge of the Enterprise, and then I sat down on the captain's chair and fired off a couple photon torpedoes.
(Oh wow, just forget you read that)

I thought it was weird that even though Halloween falls on a work day next week, today was the day people wore costumes to work. I realized why a little later on, and it was because being filled with Halloween spirit is one thing, but also being filled with the Friday-afternoon-last-day-of-work spirit means that many of us who went to the office park's Halloween party decided it was more than appropriate to have a long island iced tea and a jello shooter.

I had plans to go visit Jenn tonight so I left the Halloween party early. The party was at Boffin's Club in Innovation Place, which has an exit right into an otherwise average looking office building hallway. I stepped out of the noisy club into the near silence of the hallway, and someone in a white jacket came out a few seconds later. I was about to walk through a set of double doors when the man behind me said "So what rank are you on the Enterprise?" I turned around and said "Captain" in a saucy voice. He said "Impressive!" Then I turned back to the double doors. The hallway on the other side was very dark, so I thought it might be locked. I pushed both doors but neither would budge. I pushed one more time for good measure and then I gave up and turned around. White jacket man stepped up beside me and pulled on the handle and the door opened easily. He laughed a little bit when he said, "After you Cap'n."

Ride 'em Shopping Cart.

I went to Superstore today and it was wall-to-wall people in there. Everybody tells me it is cheaper than Sobey's and Safeway, but I still spent $80. Maybe I saved $5.00 here and there but considering that I was in line for half an hour, I'd gladly have paid five bucks to have skipped that wait. One thing that I am glad I was there for was a guy I nearly ran into somewhere near the corner of socks and winter gloves.

I just put some socks into my basket and I rounded the corner into a wider aisle when suddenly out of nowhere this guy whizzed past me, wheeling by on a shopping cart. He was leaning over the handle while standing with one foot on the bar down near the wheels. His other foot was on the ground pushing him forward like he was riding a giant skateboard with a metal basket on the front. It is probably pretty typical behaviour for a 10 year old, except that this guy looked about 70.

He was gone in seconds, but I ran into him again a few minutes later - or more accurately he nearly ran into me. I was just browsing along and suddenly he skidded to a stop beside me to look at chicken breasts. I said, "That was some pretty fancy driving." He nodded and said, "Thank you, thank you... " he paused for a second to catch his breath and said, "I normally don't think much of what I see teenagers doing, but when I walked in I saw one riding his shopping cart around and I thought that was a guy who knew what he was doing." He picked up a package of boneless skinless breasts and looked it over, then added, "Not bad exercise either." With that he put the chicken in his cart and rode off into the dairy section.