Twelve Days of Roses

I got an early Christmas present today - a dozen roses!
I wish I could take a picture of how they smell,
they smell even better than they look!

Thank you Chris!

Babies!

I saw this on TV today and I laughed so hard I cried. I just watched it eight more times and now I sore from laughing.

Cake Ninja!

Radio Blog Club

I think this is pretty cool. If you ever want to embed a song into a blog try out radioblogclub.com.

Same-Topic Again, Same-Sex Marriages

I apologize that I keep revisiting this topic, but I was reading CNN.com again and it seems that almost every day there is an article about same-sex marriages. Today's article* is about a senator from Kansas who wants to question a judge on her views on same-sex marriages before letting her take part in any legalites involving the subject. Here is what he had to say:

"I am not opposed to her getting a vote, I would like her to come back through committee so she can testify what took place, factually ... her legal views on same-sex marriage and her ability and willingness to be impartial."
-- Sen. Sam Brownback

When I read that quote of his, I cannot help but look at the expression on his face in that picture and imagine he is so extremely vehement in his quest for an impartial trial that maybe he isn't really thinking clearly or fairly. He seems to be saying that a judge might not be impartial if she has attended a same-sex marriage. I'd tend to believe that in the interests of impartiality, that he should be looking to exclude any judge that hasn't attended a same-sex wedding.

Non-attendance simply does not even come close to being impartial. The plainly obvious question is, What if some judge that hasn't been to a same-sex wedding has simply refused an invitation because he or she, for whatever reason, already disagrees with it? Besides, if having the experience of attending a same-sex ceremony make's one biased, then where do you draw the line? At what point does a person's experiences negate their ability to make an honest decision? Do you exclude judges that may have gay or lesbian friends or family? Do you exlude those that have attended church? Do you exclude anyone who has seen Will & Grace?

In the purest interests of fairness, is it really best to trust anyone to pass judgment on anything without that person holding any kind of real world insight and experience in the topic? Information and experiences are what make us wise. The fact is, when it comes to making a fair judgement, if we eliminate any judge that may have relevant experiences, then the fact is, the final decision will just be less informed and less wise. I think that Sen. Brownback should trust that having many and varied experiences is not a hindrance to a person's ability to make fair and informed decisions, it is a requirement.


* http://www.cnn.com/2006/POLITICS/12/19/brownback.judge.ap/index.html

Christmas Parties!

Friday night, exactly one hour after the Christmas season began I left my place to go to a party at my friend Jenn's house. I got there to see that Jenn had gone all out and the place looked very Christmas-y. I had a really good time chatting with new people, drinking wine and eating good food. I was stuffed. Everyone brought some food, but Jenn made a turkey. I have to say, Jenn, your turkey and gravy were awesome and almost as good as my mom's!

At the same time I was out at Jenn's, Sue, Kara, and Levin (Tempst, Chino and Caspers) were in New York having their own celebration. When I got home I was treated to a couple messages on my machine from them - mostly a very drunken Caspers. (Too much 'potent alcoholic beverage' eh Casp?) I am lucky Caspers did most of the talking on the second call because I bet Kara was just dying to call me a bizzle again!

"Hi Sarah, this is Sue and Kara..."
"Sarah! Why aren't you answering your phone, Bizzle!?"
"... give us a call, bye!"
-- Sue and Kara

"Hello. This is Mr. Answering Machine. I am Levin. I am calling to leave you a message that says 'hahahahaha, Ha!'. Yow! I've got Sue with me. Listen to her: "
"Hi Sarah"
"That's her! That's Chino:"
"Hi Sarah"
"That's her too! She said 'hi!'. Call me back please! Arh! Ow! Yuh!"
-- Caspers, Suepy and Kara

Last night I had my old job's Christmas party too. It started off with some finger foods at Bridges, then we all went to play a few games of pool. Afterwards most of us went to the Longbranch. I was a little nervous walking in the door. As far as I know cowboys and transsexuals don't really mix, but the first cowboy I saw was my cousin. I haven't seen him in years so I wasn't sure what to do. He was just walking out the door as we were walking in, so I decided to just let him go and save the awkward reunion for a later date. Instead of going along with my plan however, he looked me right in the eye and said a friendly hello and asked how I have been.

His reaction set the tone for the rest of the night where I felt welcomed and right at home. As I waited in line at the bar the woman a couple people ahead of me commented on how good her drink was, so I asked what was in it. She said vodka, 7-up, cranberry juice and grenadine, I decided to get one to try it out and it was really delicious. I wish I had asked her what it was called instead of what was in it because I ended up ordering one each time I got a drink for the rest of the night. If that drink does have a name can someone please let me know because after you've had a few, it is really hard to say "vodka 7-up cranberry juice and grenadine" in the half second those busy bartenders have to serve you!

Later on as I was waiting in line for another drink there was a cowboy nearby also waiting at the bar. I felt him looking at me for a few seconds longer than most people do, so I turned and looked at him back. He pointed at me with one hand and mouthed the word "You." Then he pointed at himself with his other hand and mouthed the word "Me." Then he used both hands to draw out the shape of a heart. I had to laugh.

It was a very good Christmas party weekend. Highlights include dancing to AC/DC at a country bar, requesting a song (Dixie Chicks), talking to a few strangers, getting kissed a couple times, getting called pretty, and making some new friends. Best of all though is that I got to spent time with good friends Jenn and Dave, Tara, and Shaun and I got a phone call from my warcraft friends Suepy, Kara, and Levin, who I love just as much as if I got to know them face-to-face.

I had such a good time last night that I have to say that to my sister Jenn I owe a huge thanks. She was willing to come drive across half the city to pick me up and then drive across half the city in another direction to take me home, only to then drive all the way to her home again. Not only all that, but she even stopped so I could buy fast food on the way home. What a sister! Under the best of times that would have been a very nice thing to do, but she did it for me during a snow storm in the middle of the night. It would have been a very different night for me had she not been so generous. Thanks Jenn!


bizzle:
Instead of using a profanity when wanting to call someone a bitch, you simply say 'bizzle'
"Gah, she totally just stole my pencil, that bizzle."
( http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bizzle )

Santa Claus is Coming to Town!

This year the Christmas season started at 6:48, December 15!

Every year for as long as I remember I mark the beginning of the Christmas season by the first time I hear the radio air "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" by Bruce Springsteen. This year is the same day as last year, but a few hours later! Merry Christmas everybody!

Pointless Grocery Clerk Comments

I love going to the grocery store. I probably go once every two to four days. Not only is it way more fun to choose your supper from the entire contents of a grocery store than the contents of a cupboard, but there are usually no other people in my kitchen for me to be amused by. A grocery store however, is full of potential entertainment. Other customer are sometimes fun, but the best is to talk with the cashiers.

I don't actually ever initiate conversation because I think they are encouraged as part of their job to come up with some friendly comments. I like that sort of personalized attention. In fact I often go to to Safeway because I have a club card there, and I like to hear them mispronounce my last name when the transaction is complete. "Here you are Mrs. Ma..que..azon", or "Do you need a hand out with that Mrs. Mathasaurus?"
They always refer to me as 'Mrs', and they always sort of mumble my last name, or somehow muffle their voice so all one can really tell is that it begins with M. Before they even see my name on the club card though, they usually greet you with a few comments. Most take the easy route and ask if I found everything OK. Others though try to improvise, and that is where the fun begins because there isn't much casual chit-chat a cashier can make that isn't completely pointless.

When you shop frequently you usually don't buy a lot at once. Usually it is just one or two items, and sometimes you end up with all the ingredients for a particular meal and nothing else. This is when some cashiers like to show how observant they are. For example, a couple months ago I had tomato sauce, mozzarella, mushrooms, onions, ground beef, and lasagna noodles. The cashier said "Making lasagna eh?"
I smiled in confirmation. It was a nice personalization for her to figure out what I was making, but somehow it sounded like a pointless comment to me. I guess because there is not much else you'd be making when buying lasagna noodles but lasagna. Today it was the same situation but it amused me even more.

I had the following items on the conveyor belt: trail mix, peanut butter, coffee grounds, and a pre-packaged Caesar salad. The cashier said, "Having coffee and salad are we?"
As I said, I am all for the personalized comments, but this one was really pointless. After all, eventually I will eventually be having everything I buy - that is why I am buying them! Maybe she realized that and decided to turn it into a joke because then she added, "Not mixed together I hope!" She laughed outloud.
Just to play along I said "No, I mix the coffee with the peanut butter." She continued to scan my items but had a little frown on her face as if she thought I had said something really stupid.

Then she picked up the trail mix and said, "Oh this makes a really good snack!"
I nodded and wondered if I should tell her that trail mix doesn't actually make anything but a snack really, and then she said "... for when you are hiking."
I considered asking her if I should maybe go for that hike on some sort of 'trail' but just then she spoke. She had just scanned the very last item and then asked, "Is this everything?"
Well... there was nothing left on the conveyor so I said that it was. I handed her my debit card. She accepted it and said "Will this be on your debit card?"

After the transaction went through she handed me the receipt and said, "Have a nice day...", then she paused to cover her mouth with her hand, "Mrs. Mathmajor."

Thank Goodness!

Same-sex marriage file closed for good, PM says

Tory attempt to restore traditional definition fails in House; social conservatives cry foul as Harper declares debate over

GLORIA GALLOWAY

From Friday's Globe and Mail

OTTAWA — Prime Minister Stephen Harper has declared the contentious issue of same-sex marriage to be permanently closed.

After a Conservative motion calling on the government to restore the traditional definition of marriage was defeated yesterday by a resounding 175 to 123, Mr. Harper said he will not bring the matter back before Parliament.

"I don't see reopening this question in the future," he told reporters who asked whether same-sex marriage would return to the table if the Conservatives won a majority government.

Nor does he intend to introduce a "defence of religions" act to allow public officials, such as justices of the peace, to refuse to perform same-sex marriages.

"If there ever were a time in the future where fundamental freedoms were threatened, of course the government would respond to protect them," said the Prime Minister, who voted for the motion. "The government has no plans at this time."

The declared end of the same-sex marriage debate brought comfort to those who have been fighting for such unions. But social conservatives who have supported Mr. Harper's government said they felt betrayed by his decision to quit their fight; some said it will come back to haunt the party in the next election campaign.

"I am afraid that the Conservative Party feels that they can take social conservatives for granted in this country," said Joseph Ben Ami, executive director of the Institute for Canadian Values.

"Mr. Harper and the Conservatives are going to have to explain, I think, what people in our constituency are going to perceive as a certain lack of leadership surrounding this question in the last few days."

Social conservatives are not likely to turn to the Liberals, said Mr. Ben Ami, but they can stay home on voting day.

The loss of those voters was likely weighed by the Prime Minister in recent days. But Conservative sources have said it was his plan to dispose of the issue so he could make a more moderate pitch to middle-class voters and diffuse attempts by the Liberal Party to paint him as a socially right-wing ideologue.

The vote yesterday, which fulfilled a Conservative election promise, marked the sixth time since 2003 that the House of Commons has decided in favour of same-sex marriage.

Eight provinces and Yukon, meanwhile, have declared that excluding gays and lesbians from marriage is a violation of equality rights.

The Liberals and Conservatives both allowed their members to vote according to their consciences. Thirteen Liberals voted for the motion aimed at ending homosexual marital unions and 13 Conservatives, including six cabinet ministers, turned it down.

Joe Comuzzi, who gave up his cabinet seat last year because he refused to vote for the Liberal government's same-sex marriage law, voted against the Conservative motion yesterday.

One of those ministers was Foreign Affairs Minister Peter MacKay, who previously had voted against expanding the definition of marriage to include same-sex couples.

"For me, this was just a practical matter," he explained after the motion was defeated. "It's been debated in the House.

It's been considered by the provinces, by the courts, and I think it's time to move on," Mr. MacKay said.

Even Justice Minister Vic Toews, who has been one of his party's most vocal opponents of homosexual marriage, said there is no appetite for returning to the issue in the future.

"I don't think there's any intentions of reopening it. There's been no commitment in that respect and I don't see any prospects in that respect," Mr. Toews said.

Laurie Aaron, a spokesman for Canadians for Equal Marriage, breathed a sigh of relief when he learned that Mr. Harper had abandoned the fight.

"I think really Mr. Harper had no choice," said Mr. Aaron, who pointed out that the Commons rejected the motion yesterday by an even greater margin than the vote passing the same-sex marriage act last year.

"It's quite clear that there is a growing consensus among Canadians that equal marriage is here to stay," the group spokesman said.

Nova Scotia MP Gerald Keddy, one of the few Conservatives who last year voted in favour of the bill that redefined marriage to include gays and lesbians, said he firmly believes this is the last time the matter will come before Parliament.

But Mr. Keddy, who has been targeted for political attack by groups that object to his pro-same-sex stand, said those battles may not be over.

"I expect there will be a bit of that that will go on," he said.

"But we will march ahead and we will cross that bridge when we come to it," Mr. Keddy said.

And the opponents of same-sex marriage made it clear yesterday that they will continue to fight.

Former London, Ont., MP Pat O'Brien, who quit the Liberal caucus in 2005 over the party's support of homosexual marriage, said he and others who share his views have a number of options.

The democratic strategy is to elect people who share the same values, he said. "We saw some pretty high-profile candidates defeated in the last election because of their stand in favour of same-sex marriage. We didn't get as many successes as we wanted in the last election, but this is far too serious an issue to give up so lightly."

Thank Goodness!

Canada won't reopen same-sex marriage debate

OTTAWA, Canada (CNN) -- Canada's House of Commons Thursday soundly rejected a motion from Prime Minister Stephen Harper to reconsider the country's 2005 law allowing gay men and lesbians to marry.

Harper's motion -- which would not have directly repealed the law but called on Parliament to reopen debate on the contentious issue -- was defeated by a vote of 123-175, with most opposition lawmakers and even some members of Harper's Conservative Party voting no.

During the campaign leading up to his election in January, Harper promised to introduce a motion to revisit the same-sex marriage law, which he opposed when it was approved last year. He said at the time that if the motion was defeated, the issue would be settled.

Former Liberal Prime Minister Paul Martin pushed the law through Parliament after a series of court rulings legalized same-sex marriage across most of the country. More than 12,000 marriage licenses have been issued to gay and lesbian couples in Canada, according to Canadians for Equal Marriage, a group that supports same-sex marriage.

Harper's motion faced an uphill battle because, while Conservatives are the largest party in the House of Commons, they do not hold a majority, and all three of the other parties opposed reopening the same-sex marriage debate.

View the actual webpage: http://www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/americas/12/07/canada.samesex/index.html

Changes

Part 1: The Job

I was all about changes in the last two years. About the only thing in my life that could have changed but didn't, was my job. I didn't really have a reason to change jobs. I mean, they actually gave me money to write programs (something I did on my own for fun before that job), and they were very accomodating when I transitioned. About the only thing that I didn't like was that I would have to do after hours support. This meant I was given a cell phone and had to answer any phone call between the hours of 5:00pm and 8:30 the next morning. They promised me it was only temporary so, confident that my days on support were numbered, I dutifully carried out my responsibilities. Apart from solving computer issues, I soon found that I was also in store for:

1. Getting woken up at 1:00 am
2. Getting woken up at 5:00 am
3. Getting woken up at 7:00 am
4. Pretty much getting woken up whenever I went to sleep.
5. Having to stay near a computer even on my "days off" in case I had a call that required me to remote into a client's machine.
6. Talking to irate customers.
7. Constantly explaining how to type the percent sign (%). A percent sign appears in some of the default passwords we give customers. Trust me, a lot of people cannot figure out how to type it in.
   
8. Taking calls while freshly out of the shower, still naked and dripping. (See previous post)
9. Support calls taking priority over my own life in my free time.
   

"...press Shift 5," Sarah says and she hears a bunch of key-clacking sounds, "I hear a lot of typing, what are you doing?"
In an irritated and impatient tone the customer says, "I am typing out 'shift five'! But I can't find the 'v'."

I kept telling myself this would eventually end, but three years later I found that I was still on support. It seemed that people would always quit as soon as we had some new guys trained up. This meant we actually never had enough people on to take me off. I'd comfort myself by thinking that at least I was still getting paid to program!

In recent months, again due to staff turnover, I ended up getting more and more phone calls during my actual shift. I started to get frustrated when I had projects to finish, but I'd spend my days saying, "no... don't type the words 'percent sign', type the actual percent sign symbol!" Stress was starting to build up, but I managed to hang on for a while until a few months ago when everything started taking a turn for the worse.

I would find that when I was getting woken up from a deep sleep that I'd get startled so much that my heart would race. Adrenaline would give it a good kick start, but anger and frustration were what really fueled it. Even hours after I had hung up the phone I'd find that I was laying in bed with my heart beating so fast I couldn't sleep. I went to work and said I couldn't do support anymore. I was told that taking programmers off the phones was something that was in the works... but I had been hearing that for years so it was little consolation.

It wasn't long before a support call didn't need to startle me out of a deep sleep for my heart to pound. Any call at any time of the day would get me so mad I wanted to smash things, (and trust me, feeling like that is no small feat when you have medication that takes away all your testosterone). It took a huge effort to get calmed down, and just as often as not as soon as I did calm down the damn phone would start ringing all over again. I went to work and said I couldn't do support anymore. I was reminded that pretty soon I wouldn't have to, maybe.

One day in the beginning of October I decided enough was enough and I was going to go in to work and state in no uncertain terms that I could NOT do support anymore. I felt that this time I was listened to... but not nearly as much as I wanted. I was taken off half of my support shifts, but unfortunately the only promise I got was that maybe by January 31st I'd be off support entirely. I walked away thinking that was still 2½ months away, and it wasn't even a promise! I had nothing to look forward to, and my thoughts drifted towards new employment opportunities.

Halfway through October my boss asked when I could have a project done. I said it could be done in two weeks - if I had no support calls during my shift. To my surprise I was told I'd have an uninterrupted two weeks beginning November 1st to work on my project. When the day arrived I was told I had to do three different things first. These jobs took me 3 days, but there was a weekend in there too, so I started to work on the project on the 6th. I figured that the other jobs were no fault of mine and since I had no choice in doing them I'd have two weeks beginning the 6th. About halfway through the day I was asked, "Are you still going to be done by the 9th?" Well, I was upset. Not only did I not get my deadline pushed back, but they didn't even give me the full two weeks!! Nov 1 to Nov 9 does not equal two weeks! I said that I would work on Remembrance Day and that I'd work on the weekend in order to get it done. All I could think about though was that the only reason I am in this bind is because support calls during my programming time were too much of an interruption.

On Friday the 10th I woke up and got ready for work - even though it was supposed to be a holiday. I started thinking about a phone call I had received earlier in the week. It was from someone interested in hiring me to do a project for him. The guy offering me the opportunity didn't have an office or anything, he just needed some software written. After the initial part of the software was written he said there'd be more to add to it, making this a full time job. I told him I would have to think about it. I was tempted, but I decided to say no because I didn't want to give up working in an office environment. Friday morning though as I was getting ready to leave, suddenly the idea of not having to deal with support calls and their aftermath started to seem very appealing. I decided I'd stay home and give the guy a call to see what else he had to say.

I didn't get hold of him until Sunday. I asked a few questions about the project and it sounded fun. He said he'd buy me VS.Net 2005 (something I wanted to write in - I used 2003 at work). He painted a pretty picture of me just programming - no support. Then he asked the dreaded question, "How much would you want to get paid?"

I hate that question! I didn't know what to say, I wasn't prepared for it! I calculated roughly what I made in a year at 2020 and added six thousand dollars to the sum and offered that. The reply was that the job pays over $11,000 more than that! I was momentarily stunned at the thought of an extra 17Gs and then I said, "When do I start?"

Today was my second day at the new job. Even though I just sit in my room programming, I have to say it is great. Programming is a wonderfully stimulating, creative job. I love starting the day with a blank page in the developer and making up everything needed to get the job done, I love not having constant interruptions, and I love that none of the passwords I type have a percent sign in them. I was worried that taking this job might be the wrong choice, but after two days I can tell you that my heart is soaring, and definitely not pounding.


Stay tuned for Changes Part 2: The Roommate.

More Pictures of Me with the Same Expressions as the Rest of My Pictures except this Time they are Labelled.

Sarah, looking robotic.

Sarah, looking stunned.

Sarah, looking fake-pleasant.

Sarah, looking like she wants to look cool.

And finally... Sarah, looking like she is trying to hypnotize you all.

...and Now Some Unlabelled Naked Ones

This one's for you Chino!

This commercial is perfect:




This video reminds me of Grief!



Peter's mage looks exactly like Saraa!

Dear Caspers,

I do NOT say aboot!

Great Big Shove

Last night I went to see Great Big Sea at the Field House. I went with the Little Nuckers (Regular Heather) and Mike, Cecille, and Shallon. Once we got there we ran into Megers and James as well as Lindsay and her friend (Tall Heather). Of course it just wouldn't be right not to mention Laura and Erin, the overly drunk couple besides us. They were boisterous, but I liked them... even though I think Erin spilled her beer on my shirt.

Before last night I was a GBS novice. I knew of them of course from the radio, but it turned out I was only familiar with five of the songs they played. Despite that, there wasn't one song I didn't like. We got there early and claimed a spot in front center almost within arms length of the security crew that was guarding the stage. We had to be vigilant to make sure our spots were not claim-jumped, but it was worth it. Not only did you get to see the band better, but that was where everyone was dancing and singing along. Up at the front was where all the action was, but Heather warned me that up there I might get shoved. She was right.

Once Great Big Sea started playing a lot more people pushed up to the stage, this was actually fun until She arrived. I don't know her name of course, but she was short and jovial looking. She and her boyfriend didn't just drift to the front, they forced their way. She pushed her way right in front of me, which meant she had to wedge right between Heather and I. I got shoved back and Heather got shoved forward. Heather reached behind and grabbed my arm and tried to pull me back to where I was. I did my best to get back behind her, but this meant I had to push the jovial woman over a bit, which was hard because a) I am polite, and b) that woman wanted to be where I used to be!

I managed to get a foot-hold back onto my territory, but the woman was not budging much. I was now sort of half behind Heather and half behind the pony-tail girl beside Heather. It was a pretty good spot except pony-tail girl's pony-tail was paint-brushing my face as she danced. I decided I could deal with that though if it meant a peaceful co-existence with the jovial shoving woman to my right.

The shoving woman though made it hard for me to be comfortable. She wanted to dance! I don't mean the jump-on-the-spot-hands-above-your-head dance that everyone else was doing, she was much more elaborate. She was making little kicks, swinging her hips, swaying all over and generally just flailing about. It was like a full-body upright seizure! I had to stand with my right foot sort of pigeon-toed so that she wouldn't be able to step on my toes. With every beat of the music she'd bump into me until after a few songs I was feeling a noticable sweater burn on my right arm. The worst though was when she would raise her arms above her head and swing them all over the place. Every once in a while when her arm swung in my direction I'd feel her diamond ring stab me in the forehead. It was almost embarassing for me to watch because honestly, it was like she was doing semaphore without the flags. It takes less arm motion to guide in a 747! Thankfully right in the middle of a fit of arm motions worthy of a drowning swimmer she left as suddenly as she had arrived. I felt a relaxing peace fall over the crowd and everything was perfect again.... until she came back a 20 minutes later.

It was right in the middle of Heather's favorite song (the Na-na-na-na, na-na-na-na-na one) when I felt another great big shove. Thank goodness there were a hundred people pushing up behind me or else I would have fallen over. I looked over and saw that She was back. From the force of the shove it felt like she must have fallen onto me from the rafters or something. As I straightened up I saw a glint of light and ducked just in time to avoid that damn diamond ring. I leaned forward and said to Heather, "I just want to punch her!" Heather said "DO IT!!!"

I didn't punch her but I decided I was going to get back to where I was. The woman was not going to let me squeeze back in this time and she put her elbow out to stop me. I decided that it is about time being a transsexual worked in my favour, so this time I used my size to my advantage. I put the squeeze on her so hard that a few seconds later she popped like a zit into the row behind me. Thankfully she realized she was not going to win this fight and wordlessly surrendered. She stayed behind me for the rest of the concert. She still danced around like crazy, but it turned out to be a lot less painful to get poked in the kidneys with her boobs than poked in the face with a diamond ring.

Same Sex = Different Treatment.

I am getting frustrated by the debate over same-sex marriages. My office-mate today was explaining to me that same-sex couples should not be allowed to get married because marriage is a religious ceremony, and therefore those that do not follow the religion should not be allowed to be wed. To him it was so cut and dry, so black and white. It was explained plain and simple that 'marriage' must be maintained with a traditional religious definition. I asked him why people who are not religious are then still allowed to get married and he said "...it's complicated". I was confused. On one hand the issue is simple but on the other hand it is complicated, and it all depends on what group of people you are talking about. I personally think that the issue isn't worth complicating with whatever rationalizations make it alright to discriminate. Any opposition to same-sex marriage in the defense of a religious definition is pointless because what is supposedly being fought for has already been lost.

The case against same-sex marriages, as regurgitated by my office-mate, is one that I have heard often. People want to maintain a religious definition. This argument is not believable because the definition has already changed without any outcry. Marriage is no longer governed by the church, it is governed by laws. In fact, marriage is recognized legally without requiring that religion of any kind be involved in any way. Even if the roots of marriage are based in religion*, it cannot be denied that marriage has become, first and foremost, a societal institution with religion as just a footnote in it's history.

Some who oppose same-sex marriages believe it is OK to allow a "Civil Union". Interestingly, this is exactly what marriage has become anyway. The religious aspects to marriage may be important to some people, but these days that doesn't count. After all, it seems to me that every person who has divorced a spouse has already broken an oath to god. If the church was still in charge then why is divorce allowed? Marriage has changed so much that the only thing that universally matters to society are the legalities.

However it may have originated, marriage is currently practiced by the nonreligious and religious alike. It spans religions, cultures, and societies. Marriage is a worldwide tradition and for any one group of people to claim it is unrealistic. It would make more sense for religious groups to assign the definition they want to preserve to a different term such as 'Christian Union', or 'Catholic Union'. This way marriage can stay a legal institution, and all the religions can set their own definitions. Once religion is separated from marriage, then any push for discrimination** will go with it.




To my religious friends,
I mean you no disrespect, and I mean you no criticism, and I in no way believe you to be discriminatory. I just feel that the argument I most often hear against same-sex marriage is completely discriminatory.


* I believe that the roots of marriage belong in our biology. Many species of animals are at least somewhat monogamous by nature, and given that humans are simply another form of animal life it isn't hard to believe that humans are the same way... somewhat monogamous by nature.

** Banning same-sex marriage is discrimination. If people wanted to ban interracial marriages we would clearly see this as discrimination, yet such a marriage used to be considered immoral and unnatural. We know this to be wrong now, but at the time it was considered gospel. In fact it has been less than 40 years since a Virginia judge upheld an interracial marriage ban stating god's intention to separate the races. Luckily the decision was overturned by the supreme court, who had these wise words to say:

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discriminations. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loving_v._Virginia )

For the New Gang...

If you have been wondering why my blog updates have been so sparse... it is because I have been bitten by the World of Warcraft bug again. It all started because I bought a 14 day trial for $2. I just wanted to come say hi to some people, but before I knew it I was reactivating my account. It was good to chat with the old gang, and to meet the new gang. Luckily for me the new gang is just as great.

I spent a couple weeks listening to them all on Ventrillo, and I just started liking them more and more each day. 'Vent', as we call it, is a program that allows someone to speak into their microphone, then everyone else logged into the same server can hear what was said. I would only ever listen, because I was shy about my voice. I think that I sound... OK. I am not really worried when I am talking face to face because I think my appearance helps a lot, but when I am just a faceless voice I am always worried that I might be easily mistaken for a male.

Instead of worrying what people might think, I decided to just tell people what is really going on. I sent out some emails to my favorite people in the guild and quietly waited for their replies. I was pretty nervous, but I really felt like I could trust these people. As it turns out, I was not disappointed. I receive a very positive and heartwarming reaction from everyone and now I just feel closer to the bunch than I did before.

I was chatting with one of my guildies the other night, and was asked if things had been hard for me. I said that it was for a while, but now things are really good. I thought that since some new people might be reading my blog that I'd tell them a little bit about what it was all like for me.

During elementary school being transgendered was very interesting to me. I loved knowing I was a girl inside. It was a big secret, but it was MY secret, and I was actually quite proud of myself that I was lucky enough to be a girl in my head - even if I wasn't lucky enough to have the body to match. I'd go to bed every night praying that I would wake up and be a girl... but that didn't happen. I wasn't ever truly disappointed, but eventually I stopped praying. I always felt silly praying anyway, because even back then I didn't believe in god.

During highschool being a transsexual became excrutiating. Hormones I guess. They changed the other girls in such good ways, and changed me in such very bad ways. I started to feel uncomfortable in my skin. I wished I had her skin... or hers... or hers...

During university I couldn't think of anything else. I'd go to the library and study study... about transsexualism. The worst part was that out of everything I read, I thought it was all wrong. Honestly, who wrote those books? The UofS had a lot of books on the subject, but they were all written before I was born. It was almost scary what some people would right down as 'facts'. I was starting to believe that the only comfort I'd get would be from whatever sense I could make of things myself.

After failing out of university I started losing things. I lost self-confidence probably first. I lost friends. I lost hope. I am pretty sure I lost 2 or 3 emotions altogether. Then one day I lost interest. Losing interest is, in itself, very interesting. When you lose interest to the degree I was losing interest it is like an asymptote - you can plainly see that the curve of interest vs time is tending to zero, but it never quite gets there - because you are always interested in your lack of interest.

Jump ahead now 10 years or so. I was driving along and I was thinking "I wonder what I should have for supper" and then I crashed my car into another car. It wasn't a serious crash - nobody was hurt. Still, it was very loud, and very jarring - but for some reason my first thought immediately afterwards was, "I think I have some porkchops in the freezer." Later that day it struck me that even before I knew it wasn't a serious accident, I had no cares about what could have happened to me.

I realized my life was turning gray. I wasn't unhappy or sick but it was clear I was just waiting to die someday - and I was only 32 years old. I thought back to that young girl who lived in my head so many years ago. I remembered how proud I was back then and I started to wonder when it turned to shame. I was upset that the biggest part of my life was the part I kept most secret. I thought that perhaps my life was so uninteresting to me because it was just the wrong life. The life I should have led is that one I always dreamed I'd someday have. I knew right then that I wanted those old prayers to come true, but if there is no god, then the only person who can answer those prayers is me - so the day after my car accident I went to see a psychologist.

It has been 2½ years since that accident, and a lot has changed. My name, the letter on my driver's license, my hairstyle, my wardrobe, even my personality. Best of all though, my interest in life has come back, stronger than it has ever been.

I recently got a comment on this blog entry from a WoW friend of mine from the Old Gang, and it just made me realize that I don't really know if either gang, old or new, realizes how good it makes me feel to meet such friendly, caring people. Thanks!

Only like FIFTY more Sleeps!!!

I saw a Christmas commercial today.

SPEAK! as IF! Every! Other! SYLlable! WAS! of DIRE! ImPORTance!”

My costume today was fun! I dressed as Captain Kirk. Much like any other time you see Captain Kirk, my costume was a rerun. I say this because 15 years ago (the last time I dressed up for Halloween) I was Captain Kirk as well. Much like the real Captain, in my first appearance in the uniform I was thin and fit, but now in later years I have a bit of a paunch, and much bigger boobs.

One fun thing about costumes is that you can role-play a little bit if you like. Most of the day I just sat in my office being a mild mannered computer programmer, but then I left the office to go to the bathroom... I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and suddenly I was no longer Sarah J. M. - I was Captain James T. Kirk! I walked through that bathroom like it was the bridge of the Enterprise, and then I sat down on the captain's chair and fired off a couple photon torpedoes.
(Oh wow, just forget you read that)

I thought it was weird that even though Halloween falls on a work day next week, today was the day people wore costumes to work. I realized why a little later on, and it was because being filled with Halloween spirit is one thing, but also being filled with the Friday-afternoon-last-day-of-work spirit means that many of us who went to the office park's Halloween party decided it was more than appropriate to have a long island iced tea and a jello shooter.

I had plans to go visit Jenn tonight so I left the Halloween party early. The party was at Boffin's Club in Innovation Place, which has an exit right into an otherwise average looking office building hallway. I stepped out of the noisy club into the near silence of the hallway, and someone in a white jacket came out a few seconds later. I was about to walk through a set of double doors when the man behind me said "So what rank are you on the Enterprise?" I turned around and said "Captain" in a saucy voice. He said "Impressive!" Then I turned back to the double doors. The hallway on the other side was very dark, so I thought it might be locked. I pushed both doors but neither would budge. I pushed one more time for good measure and then I gave up and turned around. White jacket man stepped up beside me and pulled on the handle and the door opened easily. He laughed a little bit when he said, "After you Cap'n."

Ride 'em Shopping Cart.

I went to Superstore today and it was wall-to-wall people in there. Everybody tells me it is cheaper than Sobey's and Safeway, but I still spent $80. Maybe I saved $5.00 here and there but considering that I was in line for half an hour, I'd gladly have paid five bucks to have skipped that wait. One thing that I am glad I was there for was a guy I nearly ran into somewhere near the corner of socks and winter gloves.

I just put some socks into my basket and I rounded the corner into a wider aisle when suddenly out of nowhere this guy whizzed past me, wheeling by on a shopping cart. He was leaning over the handle while standing with one foot on the bar down near the wheels. His other foot was on the ground pushing him forward like he was riding a giant skateboard with a metal basket on the front. It is probably pretty typical behaviour for a 10 year old, except that this guy looked about 70.

He was gone in seconds, but I ran into him again a few minutes later - or more accurately he nearly ran into me. I was just browsing along and suddenly he skidded to a stop beside me to look at chicken breasts. I said, "That was some pretty fancy driving." He nodded and said, "Thank you, thank you... " he paused for a second to catch his breath and said, "I normally don't think much of what I see teenagers doing, but when I walked in I saw one riding his shopping cart around and I thought that was a guy who knew what he was doing." He picked up a package of boneless skinless breasts and looked it over, then added, "Not bad exercise either." With that he put the chicken in his cart and rode off into the dairy section.

October Winter Morning

I had a great sleep. I went to bed at 9:30 and except for one support call I slept all the way through the night - I also slept all the way through the snow. I woke up this morning to hear wind howling so I peeked outside to see what it looked like and all I saw was white.

We didn't get much, but what we did get must have melted for a while and then froze by morning. The roads were not just icy, they were ice.

We are pretty good at driving in snow and ice around here, but the first snow always makes us cautious. Even if we do have traction there is something about the first snow that brings out the good driver in all of us. This morning every one out on the road was driving on pure ice, and so we were all on our best behaviour - you have never seen such perfectly ordered lanes, people let people merge, everyone signalled, I saw several people waving their thank you's and you're welcome's and certainly nobody was speeding. All in all there were no problems that I could see - except that we were driving so slow my speedometer couldn't actually measure my speed.

This is the view from my windshield this morning at 8:30am -
the exact time I was supposed to be at work! By the time I got
to work my left leg was sore from constantly working the clutch.

Proper Sequence of Events

Being a transsexual and all I am always on the lookout for articles or videos that try to explain some of the differences between men and women. Most times whatever I may find is just interesting to me, but I have to treat what I found today more like a tutorial. All this time I've been going around doing things in the wrong order. Thank goodness this video is here to set me straight.

Incorrect Strategies

Written 9/24/2006

I had a date last night.
I said yes to an invitation to rent a movie. It was the third time I OK'd a date with this guy.

The first time I said yes we went for a noodle bowl. It didn't start well. He asked me what I like to do in my spare time. I said, "I think probably my favorite thing to do is to write in my blog." To this he interrupted with, "Oh I HATE blogs!" and then he carried on about what exactly makes blogs bad. Needless to say I wasn't impressed - I mean, I had just said that blogging was my favorite thing to do. Since then I didn't really talk to him much.

The second time I said yes he had asked me for coffee. I showed up at the appointed time and I ordered a peppermint steamer and I took a seat to wait for him. It's a good thing I had a book with me, because two chapters later my steamer was empty and so was the chair opposite. I just went home after that.

Late last week I said OK again. We were going to rent a movie. I wanted to watch The Grudge, so he brought it over. When he arrived... well... I hoped maybe third time'd be a charm, but it wasn't.

It is too bad he hates blogs. Otherwise he might have noticed that on mine it says that I am afraid of "smells, and situations with high smell potential". Armed with this knowledge maybe he wouldn't have brought a smell with him... in his armpits. I cannot emphasize how much I hate smells, so in this situation what could I do? Should I sit there and smell BO all night? I mean honestly, what other option is there but to shut up and put up with it? In the end I did what any smell-o-phobe in my situation would do - I sent him to the bathroom with a bar of soap and a washcloth. At the time I felt really bad over it, but now I think it's hilarious. I'm funny that way.

After he cleaned up we decided to play chess. When we started playing I was feeling apprehensive. Somehow the thought of a 'competition', even if it was in a board game was causing me anxiety. When I was a kid I played chess frequently, but even with all that practice I was afraid of looking stupid and losing badly. The game progressed fairly evenly, and I started to enjoy myself. When it ended I actually pulled off a win and I was feeling pretty good. He said he was really surprised that I had won the game, adding that women are not good at that sort of thing. He elaborated to say that young boys play strategy games, and girls play with dolls. To paraphrase, boys learn how to think logically and girls develop social skills. I was thinking this was an awfully outdated view to speak aloud, but even beyond the absurdity of the statement I was amazed that he didn't seem to remember that I used to BE a boy!

Sargon III on the Commodore 64
Eric and I kept track of hundreds of games played over
the years, but we always kept track in our heads, so we
always 'remembered' that the other was behind in wins.

It is interesting how it was presented that logical thinking and social skills were unrelated in the realm of human behaviour. He may be right. I know that as a kid I certainly spent a lot more time with a chess set than with dolls. I show questionable social skills all the time, but at least I won all three games of chess last night. Maybe he was just poor at chess, I don't know. I do know that I had made three dates with this same man, and it seems like his game was weak in that area too. Logical thinking and demonstrating social skills may be unrelated abilities, but when it comes to dating you need both. No matter how logical and strategic you may be, to date without social skills is like playing chess without the queen.

Walk with Heather 2 Weeks ago

Rolling Eyes and Cars

Sometimes my mom says things that make me roll my eyes. It is something I learned to do when I was 12, and it has been habit ever since. This morning I was at my mom's house and my eyes were in mid-roll when suddenly they opened very wide.

I was on the couch reading the newspaper when Mom took a break from her ironing. She looked at the purse on the floor near me and said "Is that your purse?" I was wondering who else she thought might it belong to when she looked out the front window and said, "Is that your car?"

I didn't answer because I was too busy thinking 'of course its my purse' and 'of course its my car'. I didn't know why Mom was asking questions with such obvious answers. Maybe because I hadn't answered yet she asked again, but rephrased her last question to "Is that your car on the neighbour's lawn?"

I know that Mom's neighbours across the street also have a red Ford Focus but it is a different shade than mine. I have seen them park their mini-van on their lawn and I reasoned they just happened to park their Focus there this time. I stood up, started to roll my eyes and was about to ask mom why she thought I'd park on their lawn when I looked out the window...

It WAS my car on their lawn...

When I parked on Mom's driveway I guess I didn't put the brake on, so my car rolled down the driveway, across the street and onto the neighbours lawn.

I rushed outside and walked across the street to retrieve the car. I hoped nobody was watching, but the woman who lives there was standing guard just inside her screen door. As I walked towards her I hung my head in shame until I got close enough to speak. I said I was really sorry and she just smiled and said it was ok. Then her smile slightly diminished and she added that it could have been a lot worse. I decided to just leave it at that, so I unlocked my door and just before I got in I glanced back at her...

She was rolling her eyes at me!

Congratulations Joanne!

I just wanted to say congrats to Joey for winning second prize in a hair styling competition! WTG!

How to Die

Thanks to Bonk for sending me to read "How to Die"

Just something I noticed...

If you look up "Oh Henry" in Google images you get this:

But if you look up "O Henry" you get this:

Sucks to your ass-mar!

Piggy* had ass-mar. Now I've got it too. I guess I've always had it. I could always tell I did. I was just being stubborn and didn't want to go to the doctor for it. A couple days ago though I was not feeling very well and decided that since I have like a team of doctors these days I might as well go get an inhaler.

For the last few years I have really noticed that I have trouble breathing after being around pets. Last week I went to visit Debbie and Colleen and they have a dog, so I took a couple squirts of Flonase and a couple hits of Chlor-Triplon before I left. It didn't help. Their dog was outside all night, but I still started feeling a bit of tightness shortly after I arrived. Part of me hoped it was just because I drank a few glasses of red wine (red wine is poisonous to my delicate ecosystem of a body. It always makes my heart race and makes me feel out of breath). By the time I left it still hadn't faded at all, (like it does with red wine), and in fact it was much worse. As of Tuesday night (five days later) I still hadn't felt any better. It felt like I had inhaled more than just dog hair. Chlorine gas maybe. Or needles. My lungs actually hurt when I breathed, and it felt like I had half a lung worth of fluid in each one. The worst part was when I would lay down to sleep the fluid would gurgle and whistle with my breathing and the sound was loud enough to wake me up!

On Tuesday I decided to go see a doctor. I mentioned I have a team of doctors... but they are the wait-3-months-for-an-appointment kind of doctors so I went to a mediclinic. I waited for an hour or so before they called my name. There were actually only three people in line ahead of me, and I saw them all come and go before I was even called in. As far as I could tell the place was completely empty of patients, but they still made me wait. After I waited in the large waiting room they moved me to a little waiting room and I waited some more. Oddly, after a doctor finally came in to see me, my entire examination was only about 2 minutes long. He listened to my breathing in about six different places and then took me to the lab for a breathing test. He told me to have a seat and someone would be with me shortly.

So I took a look around my third waiting room of the night. At least I got to see where all the patients were. I saw about ten people already waiting. I had noticed that the doctor put my sheet at the top of the lab tech's in-box so I assumed that she worked from the bottom. I looked for a place to sit and saw that there were five people standing, yet there was an unoccupied chair. I guess nobody wanted to sit next to the biker. I decided that since I was a male-to-female transsexual, I was therefore brave enough to handle anything - so biker or not, I sat down. I was sitting there about a minute when the lab tech came out and called my name. When I got up to follow her I looked back and everyone still waiting looked kind of pissed off, disguised as disinterest. I wonder if I was prioritized to the top of the line, or if the lab tech just didn't know my sheet was just recently added. Either way though, I didn't really care - my ass was already sore from all that sitting.

The lab tech said the test was difficult. I wondered if there was a written portion or something because I thought I just had to breathe into a tube. How hard can that possibly be? It turns out that it was hard. You take a couple normal breaths and then you inhale as much as you can, then you blow it out as hard and as fast as you can. When your lungs are all fluidy though, this test makes you end up coughing, hacking and choking followed by raspy gasping, then more coughing. I had to do it three times too, so I had three bouts of really sick sounding coughing. I was embarassed to think of the sounds my old waiting room buddies were hearing, but I was hoping they at least realized I was sick and that I didn't bud in line on purpose. When I walked back to the waiting room they didn't look disinterested in me anymore, but they all looked kind of disgusted. I could tell that this time, the biker did not want me to sit next to him!

A little while later the doctor came to get me. He said that according to my results I was breathing at about 64% of normal. He explained that I have asthma, and I was feeling the effects of constricted airways and congested lungs. He told me all about the prescription he just scribbled on a little piece of paper and with that he shooed me back to the original waiting room. Altogether I had about 1 and a half hours of waiting, and 15 minutes of doctorin'. I noticed that there was a pharmacy attached to the clinic, but it had it's own waiting room that was half-full of people. I guess if I was more of an optimist I could have said the waiting room was half-empty, but I'm not - so I decided to go elsewhere.

I drove down the street to a different pharmacy. The pharmacist looked at my little piece of paper then said, "That'll be ten minutes", as she pointed with her eyes at a row of chairs next to the counter. It wasn't so much a waiting room as a waiting section, but this time I didn't mind sitting. I was not feeling very good. My breathing was pretty bad and I was actually a little out of breath just from the walk from the parking lot, so I took a seat. I watched that little pharmacist go for nearly the entire ten minutes. She wrote some stuff down, she wandered here and there, she chit-chatted on the phone to someone else who works in the store somewhere, and I think I heard her put 34 yellow pills into a pill bottle. When my little internal timer estimated I had been sitting there 9 minutes and 48 seconds she went to a cupboard and grabbed an inhaler. Then she put a sticker on it and bagged it and met me at the prescription pick-up counter. I was a little sick of waiting tonight, but I never really questioned that the doctors at the clinic were all very busy. This pharmacist though... it took her TWELVE SECONDS, NOT TEN MINUTES! If it only takes 12 seconds why make me wait ten minutes? Why not just give it to me?? Pharmacists.

~~~

I've been using the inhaler for the past couple of days. My breathing is doing much better now so the inhaler must be working pretty good - good enough for me to have already forgotten it at work anyway. I think that by tomorrow I will be back to my normal self. Just in time to go to Jenn's house and start all over again - she has a cat.

* Lord of the Flies, Page 9

He hesitated for a moment, then spoke again. "What's your name?"
"Ralph."
The fat boy waited to be asked his name in turn, but this proffer of acquaintance was not made; the fair boy called Ralph smiled vaguel, stood up, and began to make his way once more toward the lagoon. The fat boy hung stead at his shoulder.
"I expect there's a lot more of us scattered about. You haven't seen any others, have you?"
Ralph shook his head and increased his speed. Then he tripped over a branch and came down with a crash. The fat boy stood by him, breathing hard.
"My auntie told me not to run," he explained, "on account of my asthma."
"Ass-mar?"
"That's right. Can't catch my breath. I was the only boy in our school what had asthma." said the fat boy with a touch of pride. "And I've been wearing specs since I was three!"

F is for Finally

My birthday is in September, so that means my driver's licence expires in about nine days. So today at lunch I went to SGI. I placed my old license on the counter and told the woman who came to meet me that I needed to renew it. The woman picked it up and examined it for a minute, set it back down and then asked me the standard questions they always ask. After I answered them she went clicking away on her computer. At what felt like the last minute before she was done I interrupted her and said, "Oh, one more thing... " I flipped the license over to expose the little square for gender. I pointed at the 'M' and said, "Could I get that changed?" and I waited for the reaction. I was worried my question would prompt her to ask me if this was actually a 'change' or if it was a 'correction'. I mentally kicked myself - I should have asked her if I could get it fixed. Dammit!

The woman picked up the license and then looked at me and said, "Oh my goodness! I am SO sorry. I can certainly change that for you..." . She gathered up my $25 payment and my old license and went off to another computer for about a minute. When she came back she had me sign a couple pieces of paper, then handed me my new license - complete with an 'F'.

So I grabbed it and ran!

Figures...

I read a news story* on Monday that said Saskatoon received 65 mm of rain between Thursday and Sunday. It went on to say that this is more than double the amount of rain we usually get in the entire month of September. In fact on Friday we had a daily rainfall of 46 mm, and this broke a 75 year record. Yup, September 14-17 was one rainy half-week - and on Monday when I read the article it was still raining!

I am writing this blog entry a few days later, and I can tell you it rained pretty much non-stop from Thursday to Monday - exactly the days I had for holidays this fall.



* Read the article

Birthday Week

Well, my birthday is officially over for another year. I've always made a big deal out of my birthday so even though it should be just one day, I like to take a week off. I like to spend the time experiencing my favorite time of year, (although this year it was rainy and miserably cold), and enjoying the one time of year that is just about me. It's a good thing I had so much time off though because my friends and family made sure I had more than just one day worth of birthday festivities. Really, honestly, all you guys with the emails and phone calls and visits and get-togethers have made me feel great. It's been a perfect birthday.

My friend Elenna says things I like to pay attention to. Today she said "Enjoy being you!" I think that is good advice, and I did my best to carry out her wishes!





P.S. Last year on my birthday Joanne made me an appointment at Marca to get my hair cut. This year I had another appointment but this time it was Joanne who took care of my hair. She cut it, and decided to colour it. She picked a reddish brown colour, saying it would minimize the pink in my complexion - which worked out well after Debbie and Colleen kept feeding me red wine the other night. My face was so flushed I am sure it would have glowed like a brake light in the dark!

Tahnks!

Yes I made a typo on my blog title, but I don't really mind right now because I'd had a few to drink. One time as a young kid I remember being woken up by my mother. It was probably 2 am on a night nearing Christmas. I woke up to my toes being shaken back and forth. when I opened my eyes I saw my mom sitting on my bed. "Mom?" I said.
"I'm pissed!" mom said.

I've got no idea how old I was that night, but I'll remember that forever... especially right now, because I am also pissed.

Tonight At 1:32 AM I turned 35. 35 is the dividing age between young and old, so I rang in becoming "Offically Old" by going out with Megan and Jenn and Jen. I had a really great time. Thanks you guys!

I'd also like to say thanks to Debbie and Colleen who helped me celebrate last night as well. You guys and your kids are all great.

Best birthday gifts ever.

P.S. Special thanks to the DJ who wished me a happy bday over the loudspeaker. I don't often raise my arms and yell "wooohooo", so I am glad I had the chance tonight.


Oh! Tara! I just checked my messages! Tahnks to you too!

Devin!

This is just a message for Devin.
If you are not Devin then you can quit reading now.
Hey, I said quit reading.
God you're nosy.
Fine.

Hey Devin, I saw that you dropped by my blog the other day. I don't have your email address anymore, send me a message k? sarah[.]j[.]m[@]gmail[.]com

Sarah and the Bees

Last weekend I walked to my mom's house. Google maps says it is 9.2 km, but I actually walked a shorter distance because I stuck to side roads and walked through people's yards and houses. Despite my shortcutting, I probably only shaved a couple kilometres off my trip so I knew that by the time I got there, I wouldn't want to walk back. Luckily I had called ahead to see if my mom would drive me home later. She said she would.

I visited with my mom for a while and then we got in her car so she could drive me home. After that big long walk though I really wanted to stop on the way and get a slurpee. To my surprise my mom declined my request on the grounds that I have diabetes, and therefore I shouldn't drink slurpees. I begged and pleaded, and I thought I had won her over as she made a left turn towards the 7-11 instead of a right turn to my place... but as it turns out she just forgot where I lived. A few seconds later, as she was turning around in the 7-11 parking lot I looked out the window and saw slurpee machines just a few metres away, but she still wouldn't stop for me.

I arrived home and drank ice water. I guess it was just as satisfying in terms of a cold drink, but part of my brain kept nagging at me to get a slurpee. It kept nagging at me so bad that the next day after work I had to stop and get one. I got home and sat down to drink it on my balcony futon. I drank about ¾ of it before I set the cup down and forgot about it. For the last few days that cup has been out there on the balcony collecting dust (and other things).


~ ~ ~ ~
Today I went out for another walk and on the way home I picked up another slurpee. I went out to drink it on the balcony and I saw the old cup still sitting where I left it. It wasn't a see-through cup to begin with, but the bottom of it was getting there as the sugary water tried it's best to soak through. I picked it up, but there was no mess underneath. I imagined that was because by now, after several days of evaporating, the contents was more thick gooey syrup than liquid. I carried it into the kitchen and left it on the counter while I went back out to drink my new slurpee and read some Archie comics.

About 45 minutes later I went into the kitchen to throw out both slurpee cups. I took the lid off the old cup so I could dump out what was left over, but I didn't get that far. As soon as I took off the lid about 5 or 6 hornets* flew out of the cup! I think that was the first time in my life that I actually shrieked like a woman.

I've often smiled at my sister Jenn when I see her reaction to a nearby bee. She goes into a temporary panic as she does anything possible to avoid the non-threatening bee. I like it best when she can't see it, and she has no clue where it is, but she ducks, shucks and jives anyway. OK, I know, I sound like a bitch laughing at her fear, but most of the time it isn't even a bee! One time I saw her dive under cover when someone down the block started up their weed-whacker. That behaviour of mine is in the past though. I have re-evaluated how amusing it really is because when I released that cloud of hornets I started flailing my arms like a drowning swimmer. I ran highstepping around the apartment like I was running through tires training for a football game. All the while I was shaking my hair around like a true fan of 80's music. When I was sure no bugs were on me or in my hair I ran outside to my balcony and almost derailed the screen door as I slammed it closed. The irony was not lost on me that I was outside using a screendoor to protect myself from insects that were inside (inside drinking a slurpee no less). I honestly didn't know what I should do. I was out of breath, disheveled and quite distressed about my situation (but part of me snickered as I imagined what might happen if my roommate came home early from work).

I tend to calm down easy though, so I sat down on the futon and read a Betty & Veronica Double Digest for a half hour or so before I quietly snuck back inside. I tip-toed through the apartment like a wabbit-hunting Elmer Fudd and I peeked around the corner into the kitchen. I saw the cup on the counter - but no cloud of hornets was in sight. I reasoned they were either inside the slurpee cup again or they were all waiting, ambush-style, in my room. I took a few steps closer and this time I saw them. They were in the cup alright, and looking pretty smug about it too. I knew I had to do something before they attacked, so I picked up the dome shaped slurpee lid and readied myself to slam it back on the cup. I stopped because the lid has a really big straw hole. I realized an upright slurpee lid is about the same shape as an upside-down hornet's nest so I am sure they were all feeling quite at home in there. Even if they weren't all hopped up on sugar water they could easily fly out through that lid to kill me.

I grabbed a roll of aluminum foil and pulled off a 3 foot strip. I waited until none of the hornets were looking at me and then I slammed the lid down on the cup and covered the straw hole with foil. I flipped the cup over and after I wrapped more foil all around it I jammed it upside-down into the larger cup from today's slurpee. Somehow I did all this with one hand, as I frantically waved my other arm around in the air to shoo away any escapees. I finished by bunching up all the remaining foil into an impenetrable mass in the open end of the new cup. I didn't see any get free, and it looked like the foil prison was secure, but I didn't feel safe yet - I was afraid the hornets could chew their way out. I grabbed a couple plastic safeway bags as additional chew-buffers and tied them both around the package. Only then did I run my makeshift hornet coffin down to the dumpster.

Even now as I write this I still don't feel safe. I didn't actually do a head count at any point. For all I know not all the hornets were in the slurpee cup before I put the lid on it. If there are still some in the apartment I haven't seen them, but maybe that's how they want it. Maybe I am not supposed to see them. Maybe they want me to think they are all gone. That's why I am writing this blog article on my laptop in the living room - because I am worried a few of them escaped, and are maybe in my room...
Waiting for me...
Ambush-style.

--
Sarah Mathiason

* I called them hornets, but I guess they are called Yellowjackets. My grandparents always called them Yellowjackets, but I always assumed that was just a colloquialism.