Tuesday, October 18, 2005

The Last Word!

Last year, before I talked to the counselor about my transgenderism, I decided to go look for a local support group online. I didn't find anything that fit, but I joined a Yahoo group for crossdressers. I soon found out that this is not even close to the same thing, but I was found by a guy who even though he did not share the same problem as me, he had problems of his own. We thought it would be a good idea to have each other to talk to about these personal private things.

Well, during our instant message sessions he started to be a little fixated on the idea of meeting up for sex rather than chatting online for support. I tried to postpone having to deal with that topic and after a while he just stopped talking to me altogether. He was never online, and he didn't reply to me. I was naive though, so although I recognized his interest in sex I still believed that he was 'in trouble' so I sent him a couple messages to check up on him. In return I got a huge rude email about "fatal attractioning" him, about how "this isn't going to work out", about how he has a wife and kids to think about, etc etc. I was completely taken aback because his email was written as if he was fed up with my romantic intentions towards him, yet I was not in any way interested in pursuing a relationship at all. I mean not even in the remotest of remote possiblities. After this we had a couple more emails between us where I was mostly insulted and confused, and he was mostly insulting and confusing. In the end he just left me wondering WTF was wrong with him. It is clear in hindsight, that he was just trying to exploit my need to find someone to confide in, in hopes of exploring his own attraction to transgender women.

Well then today, over a year later, this same guy finds me again and this time he is applying for access to my Transgender support site. He writes that he just found out a friend of his is gay and he wants to join the site to learn more about it. First of all - it is not a gay site. Second of all - last time we spoke HE was the gay one. Third of all - he was lying then, and he is lying now. I was able to send him a nice "Membership: DENIED" email and I told him to go looking for whatever he needs elsewhere. I felt a little guilty because part of me always believes the lies, but the rest of me knows I was lied to and so it feels good to have done what I did. I know this is one time I was able to see the truth through the lies and was able to put a stop to it going any further, for me or anyone else in the group.

I find it really easy to believe lies, especially when they are saying what I want to hear. It really hurts though when I discover the truth. After today I am beginning to think that maybe a person needs to get raked over the coals a few times before smartening up. It is as George W. Bush says, "Fool me once... shame on... shame on you. Fool me y'can't get fooled again."

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