Wednesday, November 23, 2005

I think I'm going to dance now.

There was a time when the thought of dancing was a nightmare to me. I'd break out in a sweat, I'd feel self-conscious, I'd look like an idiot out there. I would basically shift my weight from leg to leg as I slightly varied the positions of my feet and arms. Truthfully the only thing that could drag me out there was a girl. When I say that I don't mean that guys ever asked me to dance, I don't even just mean that a girl had to ask me, I mean she had to literally drag me. Even on a dance floor with a girl who liked me enough she had to physically force me out there I didn't have any fun of any kind.

Well, along with other things, that has changed. Now I really enjoy dancing. I am still a little shy. If nobody is dancing I sure won't be first out there, but on Friday with Megan we were the fourth and fifth people and that was fine. Megan of course, wanted to (and did) dance on the speaker. I politely declined the offer to join her though - all seventeen times - and I remained on the floor.

This is just another one of those things that amaze me about being transgendered. I often used to blame parts about me that I didn't like on being transgendered, but deep down it felt like a cop out. Now though I am amazed how many parts of my life are changing just based on the fact that I am able to be the real me. Self-image and self-esteem go hand in hand. If one is screwed up so is the other, and I can't think of a bigger way to have a screwed up self-image than if you are transgendered.

2 comments:

mark said...

No way.....

Sarah said...

No way what