Sunday, November 13, 2005

Online Dating Ratio

A while ago I signed up on and on Plenty of Fish, and to be honest I really don't know what to make of online dating. It isn't that I am not getting enough attention, or that the guys who talk to me are not attractive or intelligent, it is that most of them just don't really seem grounded in reality - and by this I mean that women don't just climb right out of their computer monitors and into their beds. I usually find the whole process is only about 1% entertaining, with 4% amusing and 95% frustrating. A direct correlation can be determined that in my experience 95% of guys are just looking for sex while the remaining 5% are somewhat decent.

I updated my pictures on those two sites today and recent pictures get their profiles listed first, so that means I ended up getting a lot of messages. They seemed to fit that ratio I mentioned above... but since I didn't get 100 messages yet I am still waiting for that 1 really entertaining guy to find me. As I dealt with the attention I got today I started thinking back to one guy inparticular. At the time he was definitely in the frustration section but as of today I am thinking of upgrading him to amusing because as Deanne put it, he was just acting in the true nature of the beast. How can I really fault him for that? I wrote the scene all out in an email to a couple girlfriends back when it happened, and I just wanted to put the story here in case any other women out there are considering putting a profile on a dating site:

So yesterday I am sitting here at my computer and this guy sends me amessage from this free online dating website. He is from Saskatoon,he looked good, seemed nice, so I chatted with him. We talk for a while and he is all flattery with comments like "I don't believe you were once male. You are far too feminine and pretty." So naturally I chatted further to hear what other nice things he would say about me. We end up chatting using webcams, and eventually after dozens of compliments he says that he is interested in me, and the fact that I am transgendered doesn't matter to him, in fact he finds it interesting. He asks "Are you interested in guys?"
I answer "I am curious about guys, yes."
"I am looking for someone to date and have an intimate relationship with. What are you looking for?"
So I said "I am looking to go on some dates and just sort of explore feelings and gain new experiences from the 'other side of life"'.
Then he said "new experiences like sex?"
I said that yes I was curious about sex, but that is not the reason I am on the dating site. I said I was foremost looking to go on a couple dates, and although a couple of successful dates might lead somewhere physical, I am not looking to just hook up with someone.
So then, and this is after about 45 minutes of chatting, he says "Can you give me some advice?"
I said "...ok..."
He then asked "Where canI find a girl like you in Saskatoon to go out with?"
So I said "are you joking?"
"Well, I don't know what bars to go to, know anywhere?"
"So what is this? You suddenly lose interest in me because I said I want to date a guy a couple times before it gets physical?"
"Well, I want to date too."
"So why are you suddenly moving on from me?"
"Well, I want to have a successful date."
So I tell him that I was actually sitting here waiting all this time for him to ask me out and then instead, he asks me where to find another girl! He apologizes 5 times and says he feels like an idiot, and he wasn't thinking etc. I said "It's my bedtime anyway, gnite" and I went to bed.

Then today he sends me a message again. We chat and chat. He seemed like a normal guy. He seemed smart, he was funny, it was a fun chat. Then he said "oh I shouldn't have been looking at your picture, now I am thinking about sex again sorry".
So I said something like "hey, thinking about having sex with me is fine! I like it, it is flattering. To be honest I'd be disappointed if you didn't! Maybe I gave you the wrong impression yesterday. If you think I am opposed to sex - I'm not - I just think I should go out with a guy a couple times at least before anything physical. I just think it would be nice to date first."
Then immediately he says "So what are you doing tonight?"
"Nothing, you?" I can sense it - he is going to ask me out...
"Nothing here either," I don't say anything, but I just smile into the camera. My spidey sense starts to tingle and he says, "I was thinking about going to the fireworks."
I said "that sounds like fun" and I smile into the camera again. I looked cute! Here it comes...
Then I swear he says "...but I really want to hook up with someone tonight, do you know any transgender girls who might be interested?"
"you've got to be kidding me."
He says "??"
"I honestly thought that you were about to ask me out on a date."
He says "Well, I was going to, but I don't really want to go out with a girl unless I know we are going to hook up."

So remember girls: If you are going to make an online dating profile the ratio you can expect is 95:4:1. Even the ones that seem like they are in the 1 will probably end up in the 95. It's just the nature of the beast.

P.S. It also doesn't matter what you write in your profile either - because true to the ratio, less than 5% of guys actually read it. The rest don't care what you write - they just look at your pictures.

P.P.S. If you are still going to make that online dating profile, go with because it is completely free.


Anonymous said...

It's been a while since I read that email but I still say the same thing. His response wasn't pretty BUT it was brutally honest. As much as I find the male mindset annoying at times, I give this guy credit for at least getting to the point instead of leading you on and having you think that he was anything other than a MAN. The thing is that the ones who will take you out for dinner and drinks are generally not doing it for any reason other than to give themselves a little insurance. You know, they do something nice for you, you do something nice for them. Men are a funny breed Sarah. A person basically has to laugh about it because if you don't, the lesbian lifestyle starts looking pretty damn good! Wish I knew some nice men to hook you up with. I thought I knew one at one point but I'm pretty sure you know what happened to him!!!

Sarah J M said...

Deanne! You are alive!

Anonymous said...

Is that a happy "you are alive"!!! or a tentative, questioning "you are alive?" as if to indicate that perhaps I narrowly escaped a fool proof plan to take me out?

Sarah J M said...

Deanne, I have been trying to take you out for years but you always say no.