Monday, May 02, 2005
So lately I have been adopting some stereotypes. I think maybe it is normal for a male to female transgender to try out some things that are typically 'female' to see if she likes it, and I think it is probably also normal for her to find amusement or annoyance in things that are typically 'male'. One of the most recent stereotypes I have adopted is that women are clean and men are messy - especially in the bathroom. There is one main bathroom in my building, it is very close to my office and it is always in use. When I get in there I often notice that there will be pee on the toilet seat. I am not sure why these guys don't lift the seat before they pee but I think part of the reason is that guys are lazy, and another part is that they probably like to think they are just too good at marksmanship to lift the seat - that would be implying they needed a handicap of some sort. The trouble is that peeing is just like those games at the exhibition where you shoot the water pistol into the clown's mouth to blow up a balloon. You know that game - It is pretty easy to keep the stream shooting straight once it gets going, but right at the start of the game you never really what the exact shape of the nozzle is like, you never know how much pressure is behind that water. Even if you have ample pressure, it isn't like a yellow laser beam you are shooting - it is a stream of liquid, and liquid has drips, and drips drop. I figured guys probably just don't consider such variables when it comes to a quick urination. I think I basically boiled a man's messy bathroom habits to laziness and male ego, and I was content to leave it at that. We also have a couple more sets of bathrooms, one set in each end of in my building. These bathrooms are labeled male and female, but really since they only fit one person each, and you can lock the door behind you, then really there is nothing to stop either sex from using either bathroom. So I now use an official women's bathroom whenever I have to go and that makes me happy, but the other day to my surprise I look down at the seat and you want to know what I see? I see pee. Yes, someone had peed all over the seat. Maybe had I not adopted these stereotypes so firmly I would have reevaulated my position, but instead my first thought was "some guy obviously came in here and used this toilet."So where am I going with all this? I assure you am going somewhere. It has to do with caffeine, jumpy nerves and high-tech bathrooms. See I drink a lot of coffee here at work, and as my office-mate Jesse can attest to, coffee makes me extremely jumpy. When the phone rings I always jump, and sometimes I even let out a little shriek of terror. It is embarrassing, but it is just adding to the wondrous variety of my personality. Anyway, today I had to go to the bathroom and the women's bathroom was locked, so I go to use the men's room instead. I am a sit-pee'r of course, but I looked at the toilet seat and guess what I saw. You guessed it - I saw pee. So I decided I would use the urinal for the first time ever in this new building. I stood in front, unzipped, pulled out, grabbed hold, and got ready to let fly and just at that instant before anything came out I realized I hadn't locked the door! I suddenly got nervous that someone may come walking in - I think I am somehow training my head to believe I don't belong in the men's room - so I took two steps to the left to press the lock on the door. I was even more nervous as I did this because I hadn't put everything away. I was still in a very ready-to-pee configuration. What could be worse than being caught with your penis out when you are not standing at a urinal? I didn't get to consider this very long though for as soon as the sensor detected I was no longer directly in front of the urinal there was a very sudden and very loud WHOOSH! and the urinal auto-flushed with a high-power jet of water. At that very moment, the combination of nervousness, caffeine jumpiness, a swollen bladder, and having stopped a pee just at the cusp of peeing combined with that loud unexpected sound of rushing water and caused an involuntary reaction so severe that I let fly a short but powerful stream of pee that missed the urinal altogether and made drops all over the floor. I quickly turned back to the urinal to finish the job properly, but as I did so I just stared at the mess I had made. I considered what to do about it and I quickly came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to do anything. Well it's not like I have a rag or a mop you know! I could use toilet paper but then I know some would soak through and touch my skin - so that for sure puts that option out. No, the only thing left to do is to just leave it. Afterall, it is the men's room - who is going to notice some extra pee in there.
Posted by Sarah J M at 3:59 PM